Michael Jackson under my psychologist's view

(Para leitores da lingua portuguesa procure no blog Michael Jackson sob meu olhar - clinico.)

Being a fan of this great artist and following the news about the great loss, I have only recently realized we were not paying him enough attention.

After his death I searched the Internet for information about him, watched his videos, and listened to his music all over again. I watched a number of documentaries made by British and American interviewers. I found them all very interesting and at last I understood how hard the media had treated him and even made some of his fans and the general public believe the nonsense they created.

Have you really tried to pay attention to his lyrics? You can find them all on the Internet if you want.

In one of his interviews Michael stated he found his inspiration in children. At the time it did not make much sense but then I decided to check it. Maybe if I had paid attention before I wouldn’t have fallen for the media’s tale.

How could he, who brings the message of peace and love, end of fighting, hurt a child?

He really loved them, and we can see that in little Paris’s speech: “The best daddy in the whole wide world”, she said.

I could not see in him any signs of psychopathic or psychotic behaviour. So the right way to see it is the exact opposite of what we have been told. The lyrics are very sensitive, intelligent and amazingly well put together! At five Michael was treated as an adult, and when he grew up to be one he became a child again. I really believe it, after all I have seen!

I can tell through the way he used to get dressed on stage that he was an adult full of aggression, sometimes sexy, strong, shouting. He danced so beautifully, probably to draw people’s attention worldwide. His music really touched us. And I have noticed that when performing, his lyrics have the power to tell us stories; and those stories tell us about the cruel reality. And it is only in our hands to change this harsh reality.

Some of his video clips are full of ghosts and monsters - that may be related to his childhood fears, they also show us his fantasies. Other clips are full of sex-appeal. In his family history, beside his father’s punishment to get him into a perfectionist performance, there was also the pressure his father imposed on his brothers when he demanded they have the same performance as him, under the threat of punishment if they failed to do so. Can you imagine the guilt he must have felt - literally carrying the world on his shoulders? And how he wished to free himself from that pressure!

That freedom came without a warning. Suddenly in one of his shows he announces that Jackson’s five had come to an end. He faced his brothers´ surprise and his father’s anger, being protected from his father’s aggression by his body guard. Then comes Neverland!

Often when in hotels with his brothers he was told to keep quiet and with eyes shut because his brothers used to take women to their bedroom during their concert season.

What I can see here is a 5 to 10 year-old child trying to sleep while his big brothers were having sex. Do you think he could sleep? I do not think so.

A child at the age of 5 is discovering his/her sexuality; which follows the phallic phase from 3 to 6(sexuality is being discovered); the child would then enter the latency period where all things he/she found out about sexuality would “fall asleep” (7 to 10 years). But not for Michael, he had to cope with a different story. His sexuality was not at rest. His inner issues were not turned off. He, probably, aims all his energy on artistic creation because he could not have a relationship. Have you ever seen his video clip in front of a hotel? At the end of it he becomes a black panther. Here I think he could show all sentiments related to the hotels where he had to hide from himself his desires when trying to sleep. And this video clip was criticized. Nobody understood what he was trying to say. There is no music at all only his dancing and shouting. Gosh, that is amazing!

Then comes the great tireless artist! That’s what we called sublimation. He had every reason to be perverted, evil, destructive, but he concentrated his energy on his art and had his hardships through life. He never harmed others but he was misunderstood.

I do not blame the father who accused him. Imagine a man sleeping with a child! But Michael never tried to hide it, such was his innocence.

Michael thought himself to be ugly, he could not accept himself. His father told him he was ugly. Michael talks about the situation he went through when he was in his early teens.

He was walking on the street with his brothers, when a passerby recognized them and asked who little Michael was. When his brothers pointed him out, the person looked disgusted with his appearance and Michael felt like running away from there, he never forgot that. I heard him talking about it when he was 44.That led him into thinking he was really ugly. Is that why he used to wear masks!?

I had the opportunity to watch an episode with another sad situation he had to face: he was in a hotel and entered the lift where there was a big mirror, and some guests inside. As he saw the mirror, he immediately covered his face and apologized: “you’ll have to look at the world’s most horrible face”.

Another side of him to be considered was his fear of sex. Even in the documentary I mentioned above he talks about the girlfriends he had during his teenage years, he talks about how one of them invited him over to her house with a clear proposal: sex! He says he went with her, but as things started to happen he covered his face probably copying a behavior from his childhood. And he adds in the interview: "I was scared to death and I hope she has forgiven me”

What if we look at his marriages! The way his children came along. Debbie Rowe says that the first child came from an intercourse alone, and Michael says that his last child was fruit of a relationship with a woman who he didn’t want to be indentified.

I can see two Michaels. The black and white, the ugly and handsome, the man and the beast, the hero and the villain, the good and the bad, the child and the adult.

For me, it was clear that the black one was the great artist. Loved and adored by his fans.

The white one was a king in his palace (Neverland) full of conflicts, fragile, with emotional problems, very naïve, innocent and impulsive. He showed his innocence when he in front of the cameras holds the boy’s hand and later the same boy accuses him of abuse, saying everyone should do the same. Let’s not forget to mention Michael’s impulsive side when he shows his baby son from the hotel balcony. I was shocked when I saw that, but inside the bedroom, the interviewer that recorded the documentary showed what was really going on. The nanny tried to stop Michael from showing the child but his compulsion was stronger. Michael and his childish ways!

I could see him as a compulsive buyer, sometimes going over the top. This behavior shows a bit of his “phallic character” which is formed from the age of 3 to 6. He needed somehow to show his power and that is what he did through the money he spent.

In his private life, as his close friends would describe him, he was a very sweet person; a child wanting to play all the time. He was fragile and eager for change but that would never give him real pleasure. He did not have the time to acknowledge himself as the wonderful person he was. That he was really handsome! In his search to change the way he looked he got lost and ended up almost transfigured. Perhaps he unconsciously, was trying to become the ugly child his harsh father” wanted”. On top of it the disease vitiligo came. And the whole world criticized him for not accepting his color. It was an inner conflict , he could see the ugliness everywhere. He tried to defend himself and hide himself wearing gloves and bands not to show his skin spots, but he turned out to be a fashion style icon worldwide.

But then I also noticed another side of him, Michael who gets up early in the morning on a rainy day, wears a coat over his pyjamas goes to a bookstore with an open umbrella. Sure enough a picture was taken. What was his message through such behaviour? He wanted to tell the world: I don’t care about my looks! I’m the one!

The adult side of him would be shown on the stage. Extremely sexy! Aggressive, angry, at times a strong general, and some other times depressed and theatrical.

I heard Isaac Hayes, declaring he seemed to be possessed on stage.

But he truly cared for his fans, hugging and signing autographs, even stopping the car if needed. He used to smile at them all the time.

Well, these are only a couple of ideas of a fan who happens also to be a psychologist.

I would really like to have you on my couch, Michael! Have you ever been to a psychologist before? Has anyone ever suggested it you that? Or did you just miss the chance to get some emotional support?

You were a wonderful human being. You said you would rather live forever, even if not physically, but your legacy is here to stay with your lovely messages. Thanks!

When his fans shouted I love you, he would answer back I love you more.

I am sure most of us now say love you more and more.

My thoughts about MJ were based watching those documentaries which you can see on youtube: Living with Michael Jackson.

His pictures in pyjamas: http://revistaquem.globo.com/Revista/Quem/0,,EMI20487-9531,00.html

Also I watched the movie “Man in the mirror”.

This text were revised by Talita Souza Cruz: riseupsamu@hotmail.com and Alexandra Palkova.